ISSUE 02 / Agenda

THE LOVER... HELP, I FANCY THE CARAMEL BUNNY!

Each week our tough-talking fashion correspondent Bianca Brigitte-Bonomi gives invaluable and hard-hitting relationship advice to all you budding young Casanovas...
By Bianca Brigitte Bonomi

“I don't want to give my name as I have a bit of an embarrassing problem. I don't know if you have ever seen those adverts for caramel chocolates with the sexy bunny lady in? Well the thing is I can't stop watching them. It's not just her. I keep watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit as well and lots of old Betty Boop cartoons. I have a girlfriend but nothing turns me on as much as a cartoon girl. In fact, I have become a bit obsessed by cartoon women and worship their curvy images any chance I get. What should I do? I keep getting turned on by cartoons but I can't get it on in the bedroom."                      
Anonymous, Chigwell

Ah, the old fantasy versus reality chestnut. The girl next door not matching up to Animated Annie? Creaming your pants in front of a cartoon might seem like innocent fun, but most boys grow out of it by the age of 13 when their libido becomes functional. What next? An inflatable doll? A profile on Second Life? Or a stint on Crimewatch for assaulting a miniature dog? You sicko. The truth is that you’re making up from a rubbish childhood by reverting to CBBC. My advice would be phone your mum to forgive her for downing gin and missing parents’ evening, and stop calling your girlfriend Pocahontas. Cartoon girls might be better looking, but beyond pleasuring yourself into a popcorn bucket, it doesn’t really cut it. Mainly because it’s on a videotape rated Universal. This road to fantasy will end in tragedy. Pick up the remote and turn off Disney.

Bianca Brigitte-Bonomi is Fashion Correspondent to Topman GENERATION and contributing writer for The National, Spear's and The Huffington Post  



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