That sarong, those dodgy haircuts and all the fashion mishaps Golden Balls probably wants us to forget

Words By Sam Diss

Professional footballer and all-around good egg David Beckham announced his retirement from football yesterday, after a stellar career that saw him become the only Englishman to win four league titles in four different countries. This, combined with his continued service to his country as an ambassador of sport (sod Lord Coe, it was Beckham's ever-looming influence over our successful bid for last summer's insanely awesome Olympics that will not be forgotten) means a future Knighthood is surely only a formality.

The two-time runner-up 'Best Player in the World' has done alright for himself, but the man the tabloids labeled "Spice Boy" has not had it all his own way. Fashion was always at the forefront of the Beckham brand but, though usually dapper, we all know how this month's "cool outfit" becomes last year's "Oh god, how the hell did anyone let me wear that?!"

Here's a quick look at some of Becks' biggest fashion mistakes that we (just about) forgave him for.

Will the stylist who thought it would be a good idea to deck Becks out in a pair of barely-crotch-covering jorts please make himself known, I have a lawsuit with your name on it.

Looking like Stone Cold Steve Austin just got off a year-long detox and spa sesh, Beck's satin waistcoat sans undershirt was (strangely) a look that never caught on.

Hey, James Franco in "Spring Breakers" called and he wants his scalp back. (Also, while you're here, the nineties called and they want this joke format back)

What is it with Beckham and terrible waistcoats? With no stylist to blame on this one, his three-sizes-too-small waistcoat clashes with both his puke-coloured lumberjack shirt and our eyes.

Oh come on, Becks, you look like you're wearing a bin-bag. (Nice "highlights and soul patch" combo, though...)

With a kind of cult-leader-like power to influence the haircut of every schoolboy in the country, thank god that the power-mullet (party in the back AND the front) never caught on in the way the various iterations of his terrible mohawk collection did.

With a dated aged-leather jacket, a neck that matches his crimson-shades (seriously, it looks like someone super-imposed his head onto a crabstick), an ill-advised asymmetrically-shaved head and the worst pose ever, let's just say that we doubt Goldenballs will look back on this fondly.